Can I swear on the Blog?

Today started out so good but now I’m in such a mood.

Louise was our facilitator for posture clinic today!  Somehow, I was the most nervous than I had ever been.  Louise has been one of my teachers for four years and one of my yoga idols, I look up to her, I didn’t want to disappoint.  Pressure on.  I should have been more at ease but I was more nervous.  She’s so inspiring and has the best class!  Plus there were five American Idol Judges today, I mean Yoga Teacher Judges, which is way more than usual.  I usually drown them out but today it was hard for me.

I demonstrate three Standing Bow postures and then move onto the ‘x’ to present my dialogue.  The teacher from Chicago started in and asked what my homework was, I say, I have to not smile.  Okay, go!  I had to re-start three times without a smile.  Hard hard hard!  Then, I was concentrating so hard not to smile the whole posture that it definitely didn’t come out how I wanted it to.  I know my dialogue wasn’t perfect, and I almost missed a line but hesitated and restarted.  
 
The good – I speak very clearly and concise and obviously enjoy being up there.  The bad – bring out your inner bitch.  What!  Still!  More!  Really! 
 
So I have to learn how to be a bitch.

On my way to class tonight I decided I’d start in right away to get practice.  I thought about what makes me mad.  I smiled at no one, I didn’t make any conversation, I didn’t remind any yogis to sign in, and I had the worst ‘get out of my way’ look on my face. 
 
Just before class started, a few of my group 18 friends said not to change and my style is what will make my class the best.  Andrew said I was brilliant up there.  I still have commanding, passionate, but sweet going for me.  Everyone is telling me not to listen, but it’s bothering me, I have to do it.  I have to show them.  They are pushing me for a reason. Class was difficult tonight.  Things that usually come easy for me were hard.  I struggled through almost everything.  I kept thinking how will I do this.  

Then, I was letting little things bother me which is definitely not like me.  One yogi in class that I’ve not met before was wearing a green tank top.  Then, a few yogis down someone had a green mat.  We have been lectured by the staff so so so many times not to wear green – Bikram’s rule – anything you brought that is green put in the suitcase and don’t take it out until you get home.  Why?  Bikram’s rule – and you don’t want to know what happens if you break it.  One time, he kept everyone up until 6:30 am - all night! - then only to sign in at 8 am for class and a 16 hour day.  Why can’t we all just follow the rules while we’re here?  Do we really need to be yelled at anymore?  I’m not in the mood to be punished because someone can’t follow the basics.  I had to tell myself to let it go a million times.

So tomorrow, I’m going to bring out my inner mean on Balancing Stick.  Notice that there are no smileys in this post.  Time for a quick study on postures, and Anatomy at 9 pm to hopefully no later than midnight.  Boss is back tomorrow, last we knew, so we’re figuring a super late night is on the horizon.

Oh!  BEST news of the day!  Laura is coming out to Los Angeles!  I’m so so so lucky to have the best teachers ever that understand this process!  I CAN’T wait!  She is also one of my idols :) Okay, one smiley, but that’s it!